Overcoming darkness

When I was 13 my uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He was the primary care giver for my grandpa, and with him now being ill my family left the caregiving responsibility to me. My grandpa made my life miserable and things got so bad that at one point I attempted to take my own life. This was when I was diagnosed with my depression. This has been an extremely difficult trial for me but one step at a time I am overcoming it. For anyone who doesn't understand depression, you feel sad all the time. Like your life doesn't have a purpose. For me, I couldn't see where my life was going. I thought I would never amount to anything. There are days that I still feel like this. However, since finding the gospel I now know that my life does have a purpose. Heavenly father never gives us a trial we can't overcome. I know that heavenly father is always by my side and if I am weak he will give me strength. I find joy now in knowing that I am never alone. Are there days that I still feel overwhelmed by my depression? yes. Are there days that I feel like I will never see light again? Of course there are, but I will not let that stop me. My depression is my trial. each of us is sent here to earth with something that sets us back and it is our ultimate trial. For some it is physical, for others it's emotional, and for some it is mental. These trials are given to us because heavenly father knows we can over come them. He gives his hardest battles to his strongest warriors. I'm not saying that my trial is the hardest there is because it's not but I am still a warrior. My message to anyone who feels like they don't matter or that they aren't worth it is that you do matter. I promise you that heavenly father knows your struggles and is trying to help. You simply have to open your heart to him and listen. My favorite scripture is Ether 12:27 and it reads, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." I love this scripture because I know that I am weak. My depression makes me weak, but if I humble myself and ask heavenly father to help me and strengthen me he will make my weakness a strength. I have come to terms with my depression. Yes, I still struggle but now I share my struggle with others. I want them to know that they are not alone and that the gospel is there to help them. Heavenly father is there to help them. Don't ever give up, you are worth so much whether you know it or not.

From Mess to LDS

Life isn't easy, or at least mine sure hasn't been. I won’t bore you with all the details of what went wrong. Just know that I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania and religion was the last thing on my mind. I lived next door to a Methodist church and they were some of the worst people I had ever met. (Not saying all Methodists are bad) I was genuinely turned off from any religion. Throughout  high school and college I made some bad choices, drinking, partying, and even street racing. However, to me, Life seemed great or was it... My life was missing something but I had no idea what. Then during my sophomore year of college I was forced to drop out of school and return home to take care of my ill aging parents. This would end up being the best thing that ever happened to me it’s also where my conversion story begins.

I was angry with my parents I thought that they had taken my future away from me, so I didn't move back into my childhood home. Instead I moved in with my best friend and her family. At the time I didn’t know my best friend was a Mormon. Actually I didn’t even know what a Mormon was. What I did know was that she had these boys called missionaries over all the time. Eventually the missionaries became my friends and one night while I was sitting on the couch one of the boys (our name for the elders) came and sat with me. We talked about our lives and how things didn’t always go as planned. It turns out elder Howell had gone through many of the same trials that I had. I asked him how he dealt with it, what helped him. He reached into his bag and handed me a copy of the book of Mormon. As he got up to leave he asked me to promise him something, that I would at least try to read it. I promised knowing full well that I wasn’t even going to touch it. What did I need religion for?

          Well I got the answer to that the next day. My dad called me said my mom had complications coming out of her heart surgery. That she was in the ICU. That drive to the hospital was one of the scariest of my life and once we got there and I sat by my mom's bedside. I didn’t know what to do. I was texting the boys and my best friend about what was going on. Then out of nowhere elder Banks asked me if I had tried praying. Sheepishly I told him no, that I didn’t know how. He called me and taught me how to pray. Kneeling by moms hospital bed I said my first prayer. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace that everything was going to be ok. I stood up and pulled the book of Mormon out of my bag and began to read. That feeling grew and kept growing. I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe I wanted to know more about why I felt like this. So I picked up my phone texted the missionaries and said I want to take the lessons. Three short months after that fateful text message I was baptized and it was the best decision I had ever made.