Trials and Triumph

        In the LDS faith we hear a lot about trials, but what are trials? a trial is defined as a test of a person or object. So effectively we are taught that god sends us here to test us. Everyone is tested in different ways. some people go through trials that are much harder than the trials that others face but that does not mean that others do not have trials of their own. Recently I have been going through quite a few trials, one on top of the other. It seems like it will never end. Then today I hit my breaking point... I questioned Gods love for me. I went twenty years of my life without God and struggled just as much as I am now, so whats the point in believing in someone who doesn't want to help me? I felt as if my prayers were going unanswered and that I just couldn't fight anymore. Then my husband sent me a picture that reminded me why I believe.

I have done some very stupid things in my life but yet I was somehow still found worthy to be baptized and after baptism I still struggle with some of my old bad habits, but has Heavenly Father given up on me? NO! and I do not believe he will. There are times we may not feel he is there or that he is listening but he always knows us and our struggles. I know that sometimes I will have to walk in the dark toward him, trusting that he will not let me fall too far. Having faith in God is more than just trusting him it's also trusting in his timing. This is such a hard concept for me because I am not a patient person. I have never enjoyed waiting, I'm the type of person who wants everything to happen right now, but my faith has resigned me to trust in the Lords timing. 

        For the background on one of my major trials recently is that I injured my back at work in June and have had troubles with it ever since but no one seems to believe me that it actually hurts. I've had people treat me like I'm a liar and talk about me behind my back. They've treated me like I don't have feelings at all. I in turn went to Heavenly Father for help but I could not feel him, and felt like my prayers were going unanswered. I cried out loud, screaming for him to help me. Hadn't I already been through enough in my life? What more do you possibly have to teach me? Why have you abandoned me? I have no fight left in me, what more do you want! However, yelling at God didn't help anyone. It was only after I was quiet and listened that I got my answer. 

     He hadn't abandoned me. I simply hadn't been listening. How often do we not listen if it's not what we want to hear? I know I've pushed off a prompting from the Lord before because it didn't fit in "my" schedule. what many of us fail to realize though is that we aren't here on our schedule, we're here on the Lords. We were sent to earth to learn so that we could return to him but how are we supposed to learn when we won't listen to the teacher? The simple answer to this is you will struggle and barely pass or you will fail miserably. So why not just listen to our teacher and trust him in all that we do. 

    Don't ever give up on God because he will not give up on you. No matter how far out of reach you are, you are never to far for him to help. I testify that Heavenly Father truly does hear and answer every child's prayer, we just have to be willing to listen and obey. 

Missionaries and Memories

Today marks a very bittersweet moment for me. As many of you know I am a convert to the LDS church. I was baptized almost 3 years ago, on March 28, 2015. At the time of my baptism I lived in a small town in Pennsylvania, then just over a year ago I moved 1,800 miles across the country to Utah. In my time before I moved I met with twelve different Missionaries who helped to teach me the gospel. Today the last one of those Missionaries serving in the field gave his homecoming talk and I was privileged enough to be there. My my journey began in December of 2014 when I met Elder Howell and Elder Banks. This was my first set of missionaries and they opened my life up to the gospel. These two taught me to pray when I didn't know how, they gave me my first blessing when I was upset and worried about my mom, and they gave me my first copy of the book of mormon. I am so grateful for them bringing the gospel into my life, without it I would not be the person that I am today.

After Elder Howell left we got  Elder whipple, unfortunately he's one of the Missionaries I am no longer in contact with but he did play a wonderful part in my story. He helped me to learn that I could be forgiven, that my past no longer mattered as long as I chose to repent.

Elder Banks and Elder Whipple both left after a short time. And the next two missionaries are my favorites because they baptized me (and one of them is now my husband) Elder Thurtle and Elder Muir spent the most special day of my life with me. I will never forget how it felt to be pulled out of that water and to be completely clean. I was happier than I ever remember being. Elder Thurtle had been sick for a while but stuck around until after my baptism then he went home to get well. After my baptism I began the new member lessons and started to grow even more in my faith.

Elder Little arrived and taught me with Elder Muir. In June of 2015 Elder Muir completed his mission and we were sent Elder Isom. Elder Little and Elder Isom share another very special memory with me, they took me to the temple for the first time. The three of us along with another convert and a member of our ward made the three hour drive to Palmyra, New York to do baptisms for the dead and walk through the sacred grove. Let me just say that after feeling the spirit in the sacred grove i have such an amazing testimony of the restoration.

After Elder Little left we got Elder Ivie who didn't stay long because he almost cut off his foot with a lawn mower, but while he was there he gave me such a good love for service to others.

To this day Elders Little, Isom, And Ivie are close to my heart because they helped me to understand the consequence of gossip and what it truly meant to follow the commandments. My last four Missionaries helped me to become a member missionary and share my story with other investigators and struggling members. These four were Elder Ashton, Elder Bates, Elder Aitken, and Elder Boyes. Elder Ashton went home the week of the April general conference in 2016 which was also the week that I was flying to Utah to get my Endowment. He was there for me when I went through the temple along with Elder Muir and his family.

This day meant so much to me to know that these boys cared enough about me to be a part of something so special for me. I have attended the homecomings of both Elder Aitken and Elder Boyes who have both come home within the last six months.

Elder Aitken tells me that I'm such an inspiration because of my love and dedication to the gospel.

Elder Bates has my favorite Christmas memory, but I can't share that now. It's a story for another time.

All of my missionaries at one point or another have been there for me when I needed them but none quite to the extreme of Elder Banks who drove 8 hours to be at the draper temple for my wedding. Only to have to drive 8 hours back just to be at work that same night. He truly showed me that I had made a friend for a lifetime.

My Missionaries have shared in my story but they also share in my love. I am so grateful for my Missionaries and for what they have done for me. I cherish these boys and the memories they've given me.

When I hit my one year baptism anniversary I made this video for my missionaries, I hope you all enjoy it as well :)

Unselfish service

A few weeks ago I was asked to speak on D&C 81:5 “Wherefore, be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak , lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.” When I read this scripture the first thing it brought to my mind was the power of service. As members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints we are given many opportunities to serve those around us.
    Whether that be through cooking meals for a sister who recently had a baby, or giving money to a family struggling financially. We even give our time to help those around us who are in need. In the church we are taught to love and serve those around us as the savior would and did. Elder M. Russell Ballard said “It is only when we love God and Christ with all of our hearts, souls, and minds that we are able to share this love with our neighbors through acts of kindness and service—the way that the Savior would love and serve all of us if He were among us today.”

    I know for me personally sometimes it’s hard for me to feel motivated to help. There are times that I feel I don’t even have time to take care of myself let alone help someone around me. I’m guilty of making the excuses of, i’m to busy, or someone else will help them. I’ve learned that this is the wrong way for me to view things, because if everyone thought of it this way then we’d never help each other and the adversary would win. Instead we must learn to give unselfish service to everyone whether we are close friends to them or total strangers.
    Elder Dallin H oaks describes unselfish service as “ Service which has no motive other than love and service for our fellow man.” Just over six months ago I was a recipient of unselfish service. My mom passed away suddenly in october of 2016 and my dad and I had to find a way to get me home and pay for her funeral. My now In-laws did me a great service by paying for me to leave the next morning and fly back to my home town in pennsylvania. My singles ward  in Utah anonymously gave me a great deal of money which I was able to put towards the cost of her funeral. Sisters in my ward called me, visited me, and texted me after I returned to Utah to make sure that I was ok. I even recieved  sympathy card from my old ward in Pennsylvania. The people around me served me unselfishly in a time of great need. They truly knew what it meant to succor the weak.
    What if those people had said oh I’m to busy, or someone else will help her. I would have felt so alone. Sometimes we don’t know how much of a difference a 5 minute phone call could make to a lonely brother or sister, or how much a simple card could brighten someone's day after a loss. As we serve unselfishly we are blessed and bless those around us.
    Perhaps the ultimate form of unselfish service is missionary work. In the church full time missionaries give up everything, Their families, friends, and lives, for two years to help people that they know nothing about all over the world. And even member missionaries, those of us who are just everyday members, sacrifice to help people we do not know. Whatever kind of missionary you are you unselfishly serve those around you. You help people to find the gospel and lead them towards eternal happiness and salvation. But you never expect anything in return for your service.
    For me I’m extremely grateful for the unselfish service of missionaries because I wouldn’t be here today if it hadn’t been for the missionaries in my small town who did me the great service of helping me change my life and learn to love the lord. One of my missionaries once quotes president hinckley saying, “He who lives only unto himself withers and dies, while he who forgets himself in the service of others grows and blossoms in this life and in eternity.”
    There are always opportunities to serve those around us. We just need to be willing to open our hearts and serve unselfishly. There will always be some excuse lingering in your mind but push it away and become like the savior doing all that you can for others and as you look for others to serve the holy ghost will help you and guide you as long as you listen. Elder M. Russell Ballard said in the April 2011 general conference, “In all of our service, we need to be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. The still, small voice will let us know who needs our help and what we can do to help them.” How often in your daily prayers do you ask, who can I help today? Or what would you have me do for others? If it’s everyday then that's great! But then do you listen to the answer everyday? And if it’s not everyday then why isn’t it?
        Serving others is the most basic form of charity and charity is defined as the pure love of christ. So by serving others we are showing them that christ loves and cares for them. We are told so often that christ loves each and every one of us but we often don’t show each other that love. When we decide to put aside all of the excuses and just go forth and serve we are emulating and spreading the true love of christ. In 2009 Elder Dallin H. Oaks had this to say, “Unfortunately, some Latter-day Saints seem to forego unselfish service to others, choosing instead to fix their priorities on the standards and values of the world.”
           The world would rather us be selfish and only think about ourselves as where Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want us to focus on each other. In today's world the principles and views of the church are criticized and unfortunately some members take to heart what those around them think and say. Mortality is not meant to be easy it’s a learning period. But that learning period becomes a little easier as we serve each other and help to bear one anothers burdens. Imagine how much easier mortality would be if when we saw someone struggling we all stopped to help. Each of us carrying a tiny part of that burden would make it so light that you almost wouldn’t know it was there.
          Now on the other hand sometimes we stretch ourselves to thin. One person alone is not expected to bear the burdens of everyone. You’re not expected to serve everyone alone either. This is why we must all work together. Each of us doing our own part to help bear burdens and succor the weak. With the power and strength of christ anything is possible.
       Yes service can sometimes be a sacrifice, but isn’t that sacrifice worth it in the end? When you can stand on judgement day and say I did all that was asked of me. I feel this was more for me than anyone else, but i hope and pray that each of you were able to take something out of it.

Eternal perspective

The church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints believes that families are eternal. How cool is that to know that you can be with your family forever? To me it's one of the greatest blessings of the restored gospel. Now you're probably wondering why I chose this topic to talk about. Well it's because I'm getting ready to start my own eternal family. Yep! I'm getting married! Zach and I are going to be sealed for time and all eternity. That is a long time with one person but let me give you some advice. 

First, always have eternity in mind when looking for a companion. I know in today's society it's easy to just get caught up in dating and fun, but when you date someone you should be working towards marriage. I am a convert to the church so I was raised with the same thoughts as many of you. you date for fun, move in together, and have a kid. Marriage never really seems to come into thought. However now that I see many of my friends are single moms struggling to do it on their own I realize how important a strong marriage and a strong family is. Please don't stray from Gods plan for you. Find your eternal companion, I know it may take time but trust me in the end it is worth it.

Second, Don't judge a book by it's cover. I can't tell you the number of people I have heard say that they won't date someone because they didn't go on a mission or because they don't have a college degree. Yes those things may be important to you but what if that person that you threw to the side for those reasons is your other half and you didn't even give them a chance. Now I'm not saying you have to marry the person but how much could one date hurt? You might surprise yourself and end up liking the person. I personally hated Zach when we first met and now he's the most important person in my life. 

Third, and finally, remain faithful to your covenants. I cannot stress enough how important it is that we remain strong even if only for ourselves. Sometimes we may get discouraged and think that we will never find our eternal companion or that we are not good enough for such a person. however, I can promise you that if you are faithful to your covenants everything will work out the way God has planned for you. Being faithful and keeping your covenants also means that when the time comes you will be worthy of a temple sealing and to have your eternal family. 

Eternal families are a wonderful and beautiful thing. For me it means I get to see my mom and my grandparents again but it also means that someday my children will get to meet the people that meant so much to me. I will also be able to spend forever with Zach. Yes, forever is a long time but I wouldn't want anything different. I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have of eternal families and of the restored gospel.